News Flash: After a protracted absence from the Web, Dave has returned to the virtual farm and has begun plowing the fields again. Asked what sort of crop he'll be cultivating, he responded "anything but facial hair. I've had enough of that for now."
He elaborated by saying, "As a young boy, I had a burning desire to grow a beard; after years of effort (and naturally occurring hormones) my dream finally came true. Endowed with this amazing ability, I experimented with all sorts of cuts and styles.
"Lamentably, I soon learned that a talent for growing beards did not translate well into worldly success, so I began concentrating on other things. That worked out okay for the most part, yet I always had this persistent feeling that something was missing. Then, a few years ago, I got back into beards. Before that, the cultivation and trimming of beards had become a hobby I pursued in my spare time. My rekindled interest became a full-time obsession; I grew Mutton Chops, a Van Dyke, a Handlebar-With-Chin-Puff, a Goatee, a Balbo, a Chin Curtain, a Hulihee—just to name a few. Then one morning, after I had grown and trimmed a really terrific Franz-Josef, I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize myself.
"I could go on and on about how I turned my back on the Internet and became a hermit in search of himself, but the details are boring. Let's just say that I finally found my razor and, after a particularly close shave, had an epiphany. I'm back."